Your ex-lover was the light of your life - but they are not in your life any more. Fortunately, there are ways to get that person back.

Anyone who has gone back to an ex-lover knows that the same issues that were there before are bound to re-surface after some time back together. The secret to success, then, is to prepare your heart and your mind for the relationship should you both be fortunate enough to be given a second chance at success.

Here are 5 ways to prepare yourself for re-kindling the romance.

1. Recognize your ex-lover for his or her uniqueness: Even before contacting your ex again for the first time in a long time, you need to close your eyes and really see in your mind’s eye what makes that person unique: they are like nobody else on earth. If you are able to picture this uniqueness, this means that you really do understand him or her in their essence. Before you try to get back together, you need to hold this special image in your mind and in your heart. Once you are able to see it, it is certain that your ex-lover will know this. This knowing is a pre-condition for getting back together.

2. Admit your own faults: You also need to do some soul-searching within yourself about your past actions in the relationship. If you believe that the end to your relationship was mainly the fault of your ex-lover, your chances of making a relationship work again are slim. But, by admitting your own faults (and seeing his or her faults for what they are), you can both get on the path to forgiveness and reconciliation.

3. Understand their goals and dreams: It is important to see the object of your affection as a person not, well, an object. He or she has goals and dreams. Have you taken the time to really find out what those dreams are, or do you just assume that you already know? Maybe their goals and dreams have changed in the months or years since you first met each other. It is important to be very sensitive to what he or she is all about now. Just like life, no individual is static. You need to be sure you are seeing him or her as the fluid, dynamic person that they are, rather than what you project upon them.

4. Get feedback from close friends and family first: Often, our close friends and family know us better than we know ourselves. Have a heart-to-heart with someone you really trust and ask them whether they believe your relationship with your ex-lover could work again. Of course, you are not obligated to follow their advice. But, having their input can serve as an excellent reference point about what to do and what to avoid as you move toward in re-kindling your relationship.

5. Make room in your life for the relationship: If you do get back together with your ex-lover, remember that success will take some work. This is not the time to take up a new hobby, “find” yourself, or spend more time with friends. For a while, you will need to treat your renewed relationship like a job that you love and that can potentially pay you huge benefits. Do everything you do for and with him or her and you could well be rewarded in having a love that lasts.

Getting your lover back can be an exhilarating, emotional roller coaster. To be successful, prepare your heart and mind for the experience first. By doing so, you stand to greatly improve your chances of success.  Susan Willis